Ironically it is time to come together...

Hello faithful readers,

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking, my mind has been brewing with random thoughts and ideas and I've always meant to come back here and write some of them down.  It's funny how life always gets in the way sometimes.  The last time I wrote it was 2014, and I was complaining about gay marriage. 

I'm not sure what these people are doing, but it looks like they are plotting something.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Same-sex-marriage-taiwan.jpg

I'm happy to say, while it's not perfect yet we have come far in abolishing the idea of gay marriage.  Many people have finally decided that it's just marriage after all!  Yay some of society!

Other things that have changed...

Follow me on Twitter....
https://www.flickr.com/photos/gageskidmore/5440390625

The Americans have managed to elect one of the most polarizing politicians in recent history.  I mean maybe I'm just naive, or never looked at politics as seriously as I do now, but it's absolutely nuts the way this guy divides his country.  (On a side note, I've started following politics seriously.)  The thing that worries me is not so much his policies, or non-professional antics is that it feels like he's always playing the "Let's point out the differences between us and them" game.    If you're not with me, you're against me.  You're either good or you're bad.  There is no middle ground...

Only the Sith speak in absolutes
https://www.flickr.com/photos/the_armory/7561591378

The truth is however, absolutes are very rare, to the point where they are almost absolutely impossible to find.  There is no person or thing that is absolutely and totally wrong nor is there anything that is absolutely and totally right.  No matter how much you look up to a person, they still occasionally rip a bad fart.  No matter how completely vile and evil you think a person is, they at one time in their life have made someone happy.  

And with that in mind, we need to understand no matter how polarized we seem, there is common ground.  There are things we can agree on.  There are places we can come together.  I mean who, regardless of their political leanings or beliefs, doesn't find this baby hippo cute?

I will grow up to become a human killing machine.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/tambako/15337812362

If you said "No Matt, I find that baby hippo absolutely repulsive, and I think it deserves to die in a fire." then I think you are a monster, but I will still bet, if I take the time to understand you, we can come to an agreement on something.  Maybe the BBQ hippo tastes good?  Maybe a raging hippo killed your entire family while they were sitting in your backyard sipping margaritas and you are traumatized.  Maybe you are a lizard person with no soul, and don't have the mammalian disposition to love all babies with big eyes.  

The point is, it's much easier to drop a person you don't agree with in the "them" bucket than it is to try and understand why they don't agree with you.  You don't have to like "them".  You don't have to be nice to "them".  You don't have to help "them".  "They" are barely human anyway, why don't "they" do things MY way.  MY way is right.  MY way is moral.  Everybody ought to be like ME!

I'm telling you Who's on first!
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jeff_Isom_arguing_with_an_umpire.JPG

  This is how wars start.

Speaking of war...  Let's take a journey back about 100 years ago and have a little chat about this invention...

You will listen to me!
https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=110708&picture=single-red-loudspeaker

The loudspeaker was invented in 1924, and allowed a single person to broadcast easily to large groups or even stadiums of people.  This, of course, led to rock concerts, and everyone lived happily ever after.  The End.

What the hell was that about?
https://www.pickpik.com/doe-hirsch-female-oversleeping-confused-prick-ears-8971

Ok, well that's not the end of the story, but I always try and look for the good in everything....  Anyway, a young charismatic speaker by the name of Adolph found that if he used this new technology, he could get his message of German nationalism out  much more efficiently and whip people up into a patriotic frenzy.  Before the loudspeaker and radio (which he also used liberally), a person could talk to about 20 people at a time at best.  Now, with the power to reach 1000's at a time.  A single person could influence a country, and influence he did with his message of us vs. them.  I think we all know where this led...

Joke caption omitted intentionally
https://pixabay.com/photos/world-war-2-cemetery-netherlands-4736381/

Look, I'm not trying to compare Trump to Hitler.  That's not the point of this blog at all.  Odds are you already feel that way, or you don't....  Like I said, he is polarizing.  What I am saying is when communication technology increases it becomes a powerful tool that we need to learn to manage it appropriately.  When we don't, bad things can happen.

Social media is one of those huge evolutionary leaps in communication technology.  All of the sudden, everyone has a voice.  People that have never been heard before can be heard.  What's more, it is accessible enough, that the majority of the world can use it like their own loudspeaker.  Anyone can broadcast any message to millions of people, and whip them up into a frenzy if the speaker is charismatic enough.  Unfortunately, since it's easier, and dare I say it, and even a part of human nature to go to 'us vs. them', we are seeing gaps grow pushing people apart, instead of bringing us together.  This divide has been happening and growing for years now.

Trump is not the catalyst of 'us vs. them', he is the result of it.

I approve of this message
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Vladimir_Putin_20090128_2.jpg

No matter what way you want to look at this, however, I think one thing is clear.  It can be a dangerous thing to create divides, and this has been amplified by the current pandemic.

Ah man!  I came here to escape from more COVID-19 talk!
https://www.needpix.com/photo/416505/boy-sur-disappointed-black-white-free-pictures-free-photos-free-images-royalty-free-free-illustrations

Of course half of you are saying that you don't want to hear anymore about Corona talk, and the other half are eating it up, and can't get enough.

It is truly an awful thing that people are dying over it, but in a weird way it is bringing us together by keeping us apart.  In recent memory, I can't think of a time when people all over the world are so united in the fight against something.  It effects the rich, the poor, men, women, old and young.  Some more than others, obviously, but all somehow.  It has mostly agreed upon that the best way to fight it is to #StayTheFuckHome, and to wash your hands while singing.  As well as not touching your face.  (I'm talking to you, above pictured disappointed black and white boy.)

And while it is hard for us Canadians to see the sun and warmth peek out from its long winter's slumber, and not head down to the patio for a pint with our friends.  We understand that we cannot, for we don't want those same friends to get sick and die.  We are disappointed, but we are all disappointed together.  The left and the right alike.  

NO BEERS FOR YOU!
https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-oxofn

Social Distancing is an easy thing to say, and a hard thing to do.  This means of course, we can chose to do the hard thing if we are motivated enough.  Maybe we can continue to do the hard thing when this is all said and done.  Maybe we can continue to come together instead of spread apart.  Maybe we can learn to understand people, instead of pushing them away.  Let's learn our lesson from being kept apart.  Let's come together.

HEY!  SOCIAL DISTANCE YOURSELF!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/klemenz777/1464597658

Stay safe!

Love Matt

Sick of the gay.

Alright, I've had enough...  I'm so sick of this gay rights thing.  It seems like all I hear about lately is gay marriage, and people getting ostracized for using derogatory homosexual terminology.

An opening picture of lesbians guarantees blog hits.

So let's start with gay marriage...  It's just plain wrong.

I am completely opposed to gay marriage, why you ask?  It says right in the Bible....

Men shall not marry men, because...  ummm, wait.  It doesn't say that?  Errr, OK.  Well, what the hell?

My way or the highway!

As I understand it, and I'm not a Bible scholar by any means, but Leviticus condemns men lying down with men.  (It doesn't really talk about marriage.)  It also condemns a whole bunch of other things to, like trimming your beard or the hair on the sides of your head or letting your hair get unkempt, wearing mixed blend fabrics, eating seafood without scales, tearing your clothes, and your not allowed to sell your countrymen as slaves.  (Feel free to sell foreigners.)

Also, it's cool with lesbians...  It talks about men lying down with men, but women can lie with whoever they want to.  Which is why the picture above is totally cool with the Bible.

What's more, as I understand it, many of the rules set forth in the beginning of the Bible, were specifically designed to keep the Israelites healthy and fruitful.  You see back in the days of the Old Testament, they didn't have a lot of medical know how like we have today.  In 3400 years from now when we are growing new skin to replace the cancerous cells, they will wonder why we used sunblock, as such, we have to wonder why 3400 years ago they were told not to eat pigs or shellfish.  They simply didn't have the refrigeration systems to keep food fresh like we do, and the chance of food spoiling, then you getting sick and dying was much higher.

And no delicious cocktail sauce either....

The other part of that was a civilization would be more powerful if they had a greater population.  This is so they could produce more warriors to defend and take resources, and more labour to help tend the land.  (As well as to capture foreigners to help out for rock bottom prices.) So it was crucial for the people to stay healthy and multiply often.  

To that end it kind of makes sense to ensure that every "delivery of DNA fun gravy" was delivered to a waiting woman, so she could do her evil woman magic and make a baby.  There were also rules against spilling your seed, and not sleeping with "unclean" women.  (Unclean is a un-nice way to say on the rag.)  All the rules were designed to ensure a big, happy, population.  This is the reason they didn't want men wasting their seed on other men, and that women could happily do whatever they liked.

Quick reminder:  The rules say 'Totes awesome sauce!'

Hey!  Check out my sombrero!

So if the rules were put in place to keep a specific group of people 3400 years ago healthy and multiplying, one has to wonder why we would still follow the same rules when the population has raised from 7 million to 7 billion!  Currently the earth is quite over populated, and sustainability of resources is a major issue.  Continuing being fruitful right now will probably lead to a huge Malthus population check.  (In essence a famine or disease caused by over population that will kill off enough people so that there's enough resources for everyone.  Like the Black Plague.)  So if the rules are unhealthy for humanity, it does kind of make sense to disregard them until our population is down to 1/10th its current size.

So lets put those rules aside, I still have to say I'm against gay marriage, and I'll tell you why....

A while ago I met someone.  Upon first meeting him, he appeared to be an effeminate man.  I made the assumption that this person was a gay male.  It may very well have been my personal bias and stereotypes taking over, but that was the assumption I made.

And you know what happens when you make an assumption right?  (Everyone recite the cliche now...)

No, you make an ass out of you and mption...

You form an opinion based on observable data and experience, which you can then test out to ensure accuracy.

However, it turns out this person was not a gay male after all.  This person physical female who was on hormone therapy and living the life of a male.  This is considered transgendered because she/he emotionally has a personal sense that they are a male.  

OK, so fine...  So this person is transgendered, I can handle that, I'm a man of the world.  No judgement.  However, I couldn't help but wonder, does that make them gay?  So they are physically female, and act like a stereotypical gay man, so maybe he sleeps with other gay men?  But wait, since he feels like a man, wouldn't that indeed mean that he should want to sleep with women?  But since he's pre-op, and technically physically a female, doesn't that mean that he's a lesbian?

Or I had lice, I'm not sure...

Needless to say, trying to figure it out my head started to spin.  This whole situation didn't fit into any of the normalites of my pre-conceived notions of what straight and gay were.  

After struggling with this in my own mind, I came to a conclusion...  WHO THE HELL CARES!!!!  This person seems happy doing what they are doing, so why do I have this stupid desire to label them and put them into a bucket.  We are all individuals, and we do whatever we do to get by in our lives.  People don't have to be in buckets because buckets separate us.  When we are separated we can exclude those of us who don't fit in our little bucket, but there's no determination that one bucket is right or wrong.  Providing your not harming anyone, I'm good.  Do what you want.  Be gay!  Be straight!  Be mixed!  Just be human, or don't...  It doesn't matter to me.  In fact most people shift on the Kinsey scale throughout their lives.  (A recognized rating system between 0-6 determining complete heterosexuality to complete homosexuality)  So there's not even a black and white answer.  Most people are a little Dusty.

I'm against gay marriage, because I'm against putting people in buckets.  Marriage is marriage regardless of who's involved.  If you love someone, and they love you back, and you feel that you want a governmental piece of paper to prove it?  Get one.  Hell, ask me, I'll do the ceremony.  (I'm free on Tuesday nights).  Just take the word gay out of it and start seeing everyone as people, not as a sexual preference.

So what about the words gay and all the other term associated with homosexuality?  I'm tired of them being used as negative words.  I'm taking them back.  Just because society sees the straight white male as normality doesn't mean being gay is bad.  When you use the word gay, use it as a positive thing...

I'm gay for ice cream!

I'm queer for beer!

And I'm a total fag for lesbians!

A Christmas Poem... By Mattie.

Twas the weekend before Christmas,

So all the children shout...

"We want a PS4!!"

But the stores were all sold out...

Poor Mommy had a headache,

And Daddy was losing hair,

They'd checked at every store,

But PlayStations never there.

Employees shrugged their shoulders,

when inquired for a reason.

"We should get some more, but who knows when?

I doubt this Christmas season."

They looked online at Best buy,

They scoured the Walmart store.

Of gifts they found a plenty,

But not a PS4.

So Mommy yelled at Daddy...

"This was your only job,

To make our kids quite happy,

To tame this gaming mob.

You had a couple months,

but procrastination has set in.

This last minute shopping,

this time was not a win.

And so this I charge you daddy,

to brighten Christmas day...

You'd better find a PlayStation

or the lovin' is going away.

But what to his wondering eyes should appear?

For sale on Kijiji, a system, quite dear.

The markups were awful, 

and the grinches were merry.

supply and demand 

made the ransoms all vary.

They were charging much more than they paid in the store.

because they waited on line since a quarter to four.

Their systems they hid, and kept on the seal,

and stored in their closets, to net them a deal.

The visions of dollar signs all danced in their eyes,

but daddy, poor daddy, then had to surmise.

"I'm not going to find one at cost I'm afraid,

I'll have to pay more, if I want to get laid."

So he emailed seller,

and made him an offer

a generous gift 

which would empty his coffer.

The seller replied,

with a laugh and a sneer...

"You've got to be kidding,

'cause Christmas is here.

I sold out 3 days ago, 

because my prices were good...

Just 300 dollars more 

than any store would.

So Daddy kept emailing, 

the prices went up.

This damn gift would break him.

but he wouldn't give up.

His kids, they were worth it,

the smiles on their faces.

He'd be hero of Christmas.

First Daddy of places.

So he went to the top of the prices here listed.

He sent one more email, and prepared to be fisted.

$5000 dollars was asked, absurd!!!

but the price was now set for quelling the herd.

The reply it came back, from the  devil  himself.

"Of course I can help you, I'm a right Christmas elf!

Just meet me with cash, in a back alley, alone...

I promise you, Christmas will be merry in your home."

So Daddy, reluctantly threw on his hat,

he went to a cash machine, and emptied out that.

He drove to the meeting place, and then looked around.

It was empty, and dark, with nary a sound...

Then from behind a dumpster, there stepped a small geek.

He was ugly, and zitty, and no showers for a week.

His voice cracked as he spoke,

his giggles were crazy.

He put out his hand, and his palms were quite hairy.

"5000 dollars, and the PlayStation is yours.

To gift as you wish.  I'm getting some whores."

So Daddy paid the geek,

and daddy took the box.

And the geek disappeared

in the shadows like a fox.

And Christmas morning was merry,

and the children laughed with glee.

It was the greatest Christmas gift,

At least this year, you see...

And in his mother’s basement,

the geek, he had to smile.

"Merry Christmas to all!"  He shouted.

He wasn't very good at rhyming.

The White Poppy?

Lest We Forget

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

      Between the crosses, row on row,

   That mark our place; and in the sky

   The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

   Loved and were loved, and now we lie

         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

   The torch; be yours to hold it high.

   If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

         In Flanders fields.

- Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

Let me start off by saying, this blog is going to anger some people.  I'm OK with that, but we do need to remember that whether or not you agree with me, please be respectful to everyone's beliefs, as there is no right answer.  There never is.  Life is a complicated thing, with many shades of right and wrong.  People on the other side of the issue believe what they do with just as much passion as you do.  The only difference is how you look at it, and the experience that shapes your beliefs.  

Recently, there's been quite a bit of controversy lately regarding the white poppy.  The Toronto Sun has been leading the charge against a group of students, primarily from the University of Ottawa, who will be wearing white poppies for Remembrance Day.  

The controversial pin.

They say that the white poppy is a symbol of peace, which is rather obvious according to this picture.  Also this direct quote in the Toronto Sun paints a picture as well.

"Young people don't want to celebrate war," Celyn Dufay of the University of Ottawa said. "We want to work for peace."

The direct implication of this quote seems to tell us that wearing a white poppy means you are for peace, while of course wearing a red poppy means you celebrate war.

Now I'm going to come right out and say it.  I don't trust newspapers, or most mainstream news sources.  They are in the business of selling newspapers, not reporting unbiased accounts of what's going on.  If you can print something that makes people angry, then their passions arise, and they talk about it.  The suns account is very one sided, painting Dufay as an insensitive jerk, who throws his symbol in the face of veterans and flips the bird to the people who laid down their lives.

Needless to say, their story has worked.  Google is full of stories of insensitive hippies, and their disrespect of the sacred.  On Facebook and Twitter there are a plethora of thoughts and comments full of rage and indignation that anyone might dare suggest that their time honoured traditions should support war.  There have been threats to punch those who might wear a white poppy.  (How's that for irony.)

What's more after reading the article I felt personally offended.  The red poppy is not a symbol which celebrates war, it is a symbol which reminds us to reflect upon those that gave their lives so that we may live in a free world.  Disrespect of those who made the ultimate sacrifice so people they would never meet could live their lives in peace is such a slap in the face, it hurts.  

Of course it's that freedom that was fought for that gives them the right to choose to wear a white poppy, so while I disagree with their message, I fully support their right to wear it.  In fact I agree with it so much, that I would defend that right should anyone say that they couldn't.  

Give peace a chance

But let's stop for a moment, and take a look at the other side of the issue.  What really is a white poppy.  It certainly wasn't invented by this U of Ottawa student as a way to attack veterans.  The white poppy has been a symbol for those that have wished for peace since 1933.  While there has always been a lot of us or them sentiment between the red and white poppy, the intent was never to be exclusive.  Where the red poppy was meant to honour the fallen hero's, the white poppy was created to symbolize the hope and wish that war wouldn't happen anymore.  

They were a sometimes worn separately, but the were also worn together as well.  Most people understand that war is sometimes a necessary evil, and the desire to be free of war is the goal of citizens and soldiers alike.  No soldier wants to be in a war, they do it because they feel it's their civic duty.  They do it because they want to protect freedom.  They do it because they feel they have to protect society from evil.  (Evil is also not a definite term, but a side of an individual belief.)

I guess the thing to remember is this...  Peace as an ideal that we would all love to achieve, unfortunately, as long as there are people in the world who have different ideals than you, and who are willing to fight to enforce those beliefs, than the need to defend ones self and country are necessary.  Peace can sometimes be negotiated, but sometimes, it needs to be fought for.  Sometimes it has to be sacrificed for.  Sometimes, there is no other choice.  When that time comes, you need people that not only are willing to fight, but willing to die.  These people don't want to die, and they don't want to kill.  They don't celebrate war.  They tolerate it.  They hate it.  They watch it take their friends, and their families, but yet they still give and give.  The ones who survive it will never be the same.  They deserve our respect, regardless if you respect war or not.  That's what the red poppy is all about, to remember those who sacrificed for you.

So if you see someone wearing a white poppy on remembrance day, it's OK.  They may be misguided, or they may not understand why you choose red.  Smile at them and offer them a red poppy, and remind them sometimes it takes tens of thousands of red poppies to achieve a white one.

Thanks grandpas, and all the others who fought to let me express these thoughts.

The Tragedy That is Axl Rose

So when I asked my fans (read Facebook friends) what my next blog should be about, The wussification of Kids or The Tragedy That is Axl Rose, wussification won hands down.  It even seems that poor Axl had a few haters...

This girl hates him so much, she has chosen to wear the shirt ironically.
What a hipster!

I quote...

"Has to be the children, the other doesn't exist."

"The wussification of children causes them to....turn out like Axl Rose! Parents everywhere are looking for a cure!"

"How Axl Rose has contributed to the wussification of children."

Poor Axl doesn't have a lot of fans left...  And while some might argue that he is a spoiled brat that brought a close to rock as we know it.  Let us take a step back, and look at the pure tragedy that is Axl Rose, and while he might not deserve our sympathy, nor certainly very few could empathize with the man, his life is a tragedy that Shakespeare himself might have a hard time envisioning.

The faces and perms of rock n' roll

Let me set the stage for our story...  The year is 1992, the 80's now over, and hair bands are on a steady decline from their hard rocking, makeup wearing heyday.  In the pop world the New Kids on the Block are at their apex, along with Marky Mark and Vanilla Ice.  (That is to say, bands which the average rocker would rather eat a shotgun rather than listen to for more than 3 minutes.)  While there are a few young bands getting their starts in Seattle, they hadn't really made waves to the mainstream.  Their glory days would be still upcoming.  That left very few options for those who enjoyed something a little more powerful on the rock side of the world.  While they certainly weren't the only good band at the time, the genre more or less belonged to the Californian rock band named Guns N' Roses and their eccentric lead singer Axl Rose.

Their albums in the 80's were HUGE!  "Appetite for Destruction" is still the number one debut album in the U.S. of all time, and holds up well.  At the time, their current offerings, the "Use Your Illusion" albums, were at the top of the charts for months, and pretty much everyone had a copy, or at least knew someone who did.  The upcoming concert tour with Metallica/Guns N' Roses was arguably the biggest thing going at the time.  They rocked hard, partied hard, and so did their fans.  They literally caused riots all over North America.  Axl was an international sex symbol, and infamous for his 'bad boy' temper tantrums.  He played by his own rules, and was loved and hated for it.  They were steamrolling their way through the music industry, top of their game and they showed no signs of stopping.

Now, let's take a break for a second...

I need to define something here...

And God said 'Let there be rock', and it was good.

Rock god(s) - The rare musicians whose music, attitude, showmanship define and transcend their generation.  They are held in the highest esteem by critics, the public, and fellow musicians alike, and inspire those that follow to greater heights.  They are beyond reproach, and can put out decades of mediocre music after their masterpieces have been released, and still maintain their respect and 'coolness'.  Their music will never die.

Now, I'm sure you can all think of a few of these folks.  Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Holly, John Bonhom, Janice Joplin, Bob Marley, Jim Morrison, Freddie Mercury, Tupac Shakur and of course Kurt Cobain  (who reportedly was listening to New Kids on the Block and the time of his death. (citation needed)).

Now you might notice that all these people are dead.  Most of them died in their prime, were mourned by all and declared geniuses by those who grieved their passing, and wept for the potential music that we would never hear.  When you think about it, it's a pretty exclusive list to be included on, the cream of the crop if you will.  (Also I know, I didn't name them all, don't get pissy if I missed your favourite.)

Rarer than current non-ironic Vanilla Ice fans.

But there is one more group in music, which is even more exclusive than this.  One that is so rare that only a handful of people have ever attained it.  It is the holy grail of every musician.  That is to be the living rock god.

Off the top of my head, I can think of very few...  Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, Elton John, Chuck Berry, Angus Young, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, and maybe Ozzy.  We could also include John Lennon and Elvis in this list, although they are gone now, they lived to see they status of rock gods for a time.

Having said that, there are in comparison many rock legends out there, hell we could even say that Axl is amoungst them, but the living rock gods are the rarest of the rare, and practically an unattainable goal.

However, in the summer of 1992 the young band from California was staring the possibility of obtaining the highest plateau of rock in the face, and all signs pointed to that they couldn't miss.  Leading the charge was Axl himself.  This privliged young firecracker, whined and complained, threw temper tantrums, walked off the stage pouting, causing riots, and made his fans love him even more.  His stardom was blowing up faster than anyone could ever imagine, and he rode the wave of rock on a surfboard made from drugs, booze, ego, and loose chicks on his way to rock and roll divination.

Then this happened...

Worst. Album. Ever.

Guns N' Roses put out their follow up to the "Use Your Illusion" albums called "The Spaghetti Incident?" and their seemingly unstoppable momentum stopped.  Just like that it was over.  The album was unimaginably a disc full of covers, which for a band as big as this was inconceivable.  (And yes, it does mean what I think it means.)  What's worse, is that the covers were BAD covers of songs that rock fans loved.  This flop of an album may have been able to be weathered by the band in some circumstances, and possibly even a follow up comeback could have been conceivable, but unfortunately for GN'R, the release coincided with the break-out of a new genre of music which aimed directly at Axl's demographic.  Nirvana, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and Sir-Mix-A-Lot's new grunge sound scooped away all of Axl's fans, and more importantly, what should have been the next generation of Axl fans.

Artist's representation of GN'R in the mid nineties.

The timing of the of this couldn't be worse.  Being on top of the world, and flopping badly is bad enough, but to have never experienced failure as a band, to be told you were the best by everyone, and to have such a huge ego, created what the public could only describe as an epic implosion.  The band publicly ripped each other.  Everyone blamed everyone else.  Temper tantrums were thrown.  The band broke up and what was once a paragon or rock and roll rebellion disintegrated into ongoing joke fuel that was a late night talk show host's wet dream.

It was really that bad.

When all was said and done, Axl took his ball (the rights to the name Guns N' Roses), and went home.  That was the end of one of the biggest bands of the late 80's and early 90's.  Axl of course has tried to recreate it with new band members, as has the rest of the band without Axl; however the results have comeback with a resounding unremarkable.

Images for representation of  tragedy on Google suck.

So back to tragedy...  The resounding opinion about Axl Rose is that he is an whiny ego-maniac asshole, who got exactly what he deserved.  Remember however, I'm not asking you to feel bad for Axl, but to recognize his life as tragic.  To me, one of the worst things that can happen to a person is to come with micrometers of your dreams, and to have them pulled away.  To be able to smell, taste, feel them brush your finger tips as you stretch to grab them, and then to watch them fall away...  That is tragedy.

Think about this, if someone offered you to be able to taste the most amazing flavour in the world once and only once, with the knowledge that you could never taste it again, would you take it?  Consider, after tasting that, you know nothing you taste would ever come close to as good again.  Every flavour you now love would be spoiled by the memory of that one perfect flavour, and it would all pale by comparison.  As the memory of that exquisite taste faded, you would forever be haunted, searching and trying to attain that again and again, knowing that it is impossible.  That is a sad thought indeed, but at least you got to try the flavour....  Now imagine, if you made the agreement and then as you went to taste it, the sensation was pulled away from you as it approached your waiting tongue, and the essence of it's smell touched your taste buds, allowing the knowledge of the flavour without the pleasure of experience.  That, my friend, is tragedy.

Axl Rose then....

I'm not saying that Axl didn't have a fun ride up.  I'm not saying that his life wasn't way more fun and reckless than most of us dare imagine.  I'm also not saying that most musicians wouldn't give everything they had just to taste a fraction of Axl's experience.  What I'm saying is that Axl had the possibility of being a living rock god in his reach and he dropped it.  It brushed his fingertips, he smelt it's perfume, it may even of grabbed his ass, but then it disappeared.  It left only it's trace memory that Axl knows he can never attain, and he has to live the rest of his life in that knowledge.

The sad truth is, if Axl had died in 1992, he WOULD be a rock god right now.  It's unquestionable.  He didn't, and that ship has sailed.  Now the only thing Axl is, and can ever be is a tragic figure, destroyed by a life of excess, only ever wondering what could have been.

Now he takes solace in pie...

If you're interested on why Guns N' Roses crashed so hard, have a listen to this take by Jim Breuer...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGy_obJa_JQ.  It's hilarious, and bang on money with what happened.

The Wussification of Our Children

So the other day, my youngest daughter, who was 4 years old at the time, asked me "Daddy?  Can we watch Star Wars?"

My pride outweighs any witty caption.

My chest swelled with pride, and I lovingly pulled the blu-ray from it's sheathe and slid it into the player.  My daughter giggled with excitement as the icon 20th Century Fox played it's fanfare, and then went deathly quiet for those 2 seconds letting your heart flutter in anticipation.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, and then....  POW!  The trumpets sounded, John Williams masterpiece over whelmed the room from my speakers, and the Star Wars logo flared upon my screen!  We both cheered at the sheer awesomeness of the moment.  A warm tingly shiver ran down my spine as the yellow words scrolled across the screen, and I explained to my daughter, that the film was actually called Star Wars, not a "A New Hope", but we should enjoy it for what it is.  There would be time for arguments of the validity of Han shooting first at another time.

This was one of those moments in life which should be treasured for all time.

As the Imperial Star Destroyer roared across the screen, I held my daughter tight in an embrace...  Storm Troopers shot rebels, droids ran through lasers, Darth entered, ominously yet grandly and then choked the captain of Leia's cruiser.  The droids jumped into the escape pod, and those stupid imperial officers decided not to shoot it.  (If they had, the whole series would have been solved.  Emperor wins.)  As I pointed this out to my daughter, I noticed she wasn't nearly as excited as she was 5 minutes ago...  In fact she looked downright bored.

She looked at me and said...  "Daddy! I wanted to watch ANGRY BIRDS STAR WARS!  Let's watch 'Finding Nemo' instead."

This is not the Star Wars you are looking for.

I thought unhappily to myself, that marketing wins again as I switched off the 70's epic tale, for Disney's cute fish for the millionth time.  If nothing else, it makes a good story.  I decided to tell my folks the tale of disappointment and shame, but as I launched into my diatribe of how today's children don't appreciate anything that can't be launched as a dollar app, I stopped and looked at their faces.  They were looking at me in complete disbelief and disappointment.

"You let our 4 year old granddaughter watch Star Wars?"

Darth Vader is now the second worst father of all time.

I stopped to consider...  There's a lot of killing, violence, and pure evilness in Star Wars.  Not to mention incest and worst of all Jar Jar Binks...  I was a bad dad.  How could I expose my poor sweet innocent child to this.

Hold on a second though...  When Star Wars came out in 1977, I was 3 maybe 4 at best.  My parents took me to see it 8 times!  (Mind you, I think I slept through it most of the time.)  When I pointed this out to my parents, they were taken aback.  Indeed they had corrupted me with the evil film, and I turned out...  Well, I can't say normal, but my shrink thinks I'm getting better.

You do monitor your kids don't you?!?

It got me to thinking though, why do we shelter our children so much?  Society in general tells us that our kids are precious snowflakes which must be protected at all costs.  We put them in helmets when they ride their bikes, we diligently monitor everything they watch, their friends, their teachers, their very lives!  We as parents know that if you let your child experience life in any non sheltered way, you are subject to arrest.  In fact, this mom was arrested and incarcerated for 18 hours for the crime of letting her kids play outside, while she was supervising them!  Keep your kids inside parents, exposure to fresh air and sun is punishable.  They might get a sunburn.  

But why on earth do we think our kids our so damn fragile?  Why do we believe they will be mentally scarred for life if they are scared by anything worse than their own shadow.  We let our children believe that the universe is rainbows and lollipops, and that bad things only happen to bad people.  Any semblance of freedom will surely lead to their abduction, or worse, to them hurting their feelings and becoming an antisocial member of society!

Yeah Matt, we heard this before.
I'm lazy already.

Now what most of you are thinking right now is that I'm going to launch on one of my diatribes on how the latest generation are also bunch of wussies like I have on more than a few blogs before. This however goes beyond that. It's not just the latest generation which has been wussified, it is our entire society. The kids, the parents, the grandparents, everyone.  (Please note that I am Canadian, and write ethnocentrically.  If this blog does not apply, feel free to read a different blog, featuring BOOBS!)

YOU STOLE THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!
WHO ME?
YES YOU!
COULDN'T BE!
<STAB>

A friend of mine recently pointed out to me that back in Roman times they used bring the whole whole family on down to the local arena to enjoy some good man on man slaughter for entertainment. It wasn't all fighting though... there was exotic animals for the kids. You know like lions and tigers eating slaves for snacks. Good old fashioned family entertainment. I'm pretty sure that all of Rome didn't turn out to be serial killers. I'm also pretty sure that they didn't all become nonfunctional members of society unable to maintain meaningful daily routine. As a matter of fact, they became a dominant player in the world, and were able to create, conquer, and make a name for themselves as one of the most important civilizations of all time.

A game of skill and finesse...

But that's not fair, you might argue. You can't compare our society to theirs. They were barbaric butchers, bludgeoning their way through life. Where we live, we wouldn't stand for that. We are civilized people who abhor violence, where they celebrated conquering their neighbours. Canadians exist peacefully with the world, and have a human rights record which is unmatched. Democracy exists to give everyone the right to their say, where they lived under a system of tyranny, in which killing was the only means of survival.  Our entertainment is a of a more civilized ilk.

It is very true that while our societies differ considerably, the fact remains that through out history there are numerous examples of kids being exposed to things that would make toughest of the adults in our society horrified. In Athens, the birth place of democracy, relationships between grown men and young boys were common. Their neighbours in Sparta taught their kids to be able to fight or die at ages where we won't let our kids hold a butter knife. All over the world, killing people was like pay-per-view entertainment.  France and their guillotine, Witch burnings in Salem.  Even right here in Hamilton less than two hundred years ago, taking the kids to see a drawing and quartering was considered a nice picnic atmosphere.  (Read about the Bloody Assize)

Tee hee hee, Ass Size....

The truth is all societies have to adapt their attitudes around their needs. If your civilization in constantly under the threat of being attacked ruthlessly by their enemies, then it behooves it to introduce their youth to violence at an early age. This allows them to more effectively defend themselves and survive, and even dominate other societies.  Our schools teach us how to learn things which are fun, but ultimately useless.  (Except math of course, I still use that, mostly to help my kids with their homework.)

We learned about dinosaurs,
They learned how to kill a man three ways with a paperclip.

We find this barbaric because we haven't grown up having to deal with self-defense. Morals are dictated but societal needs, and not by anything else. That's why kids in history have been treated like the adults we are today.  That's also why adults today act like the youth of history.  Kids, like all humans can adapt to their societies needs, and what's more can do so more pliably than most adults can.

So the answer is this... We treat our kids like precious snowflakes because we don't need to make them grow up. It's not their fault if they turn into wussies who can't fail at anything because they haven't been taught how. It's ours. Competition has become a bad word,  and self esteem seems to be the only thing that matters. We raised our kids this way, because in turn it was the way we were raised. We live in a safe society where we don't fear being attacked daily because the government protects us. As such we don't feel the need to have to defend ourselves.

I'm gonna learn how to virtually kill people
and yell racial and homophobic slurs when I virtually die.

Having said that, we have to remember however, that as sensitive as we think our kids are, (comparatively speaking, they are...)  Kids are also lot stronger than we give them credit for. What's more, they will find ways to express themselves that we don't understand. (Pokeman comes to mind).  Best we take control and give the a little bit of non-child Friendly entertainment before they are old enough to control us, and turn our old age homes into a life like simulation of Grand Theft Auto, wheelchair wars.


Of course, if you can't handle it, you can always use these. 

These ARE the droids you're looking for.

Now if you'll pardon me, I have to go console my daughter...  She's crying because the barracuda killed Nemo's mom and then ate all his baby brother's and sisters.